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Composed instantaneously, 1:20 am, January 22nd, 2014.

lyrics

It was a Saturday
It was like 3:45
He was out of toothpaste
He hadn't bought any in a while cause he got a big pack at Costco
But now he needed some so he got in his car
It was blue
The paint was alright
Which he thought was okay
And it started
But as he pulled out
He noticed that the squirrels had gotten into his bird feeder again
He wasn't really cool with that
And he was gettin a little steamed
He rolled down the road
He didn't even hit any potholes
But he still cursed when he hit the stoplight

Every man learns to grunt
Every man learns to cope
Every man learns to hunt
Every man needs to grunt

He stopped at a local pharmacy
He didn't like Walgreens
Thought their fluorescent lights
Were of a poor quality
His neighbor said that didn't make any sense
That didn't make him any happier about it
He saw an older lady also getting out
She had a handicapped tag bur
He kinda thought that was a bullshit policy
When there were only five spots
In the local pharmacy's parking lot
She got in well ahead of him
And he was alright with that
He didn't think, ah, the place was very well organized either
But then he realized that even though
The older lady had
Gotten in well ahead of him
He was still gonna have to wait in line
Just to get
His one roll of toothpaste

Every man learns to grunt
Every man learns to cope
Every man learns to hunt
Every man needs to grunt

It actually didn't take him that long to get out of the pharmacy
So he decided to head down the road
Check out the bar he liked
He knew it was only like four o'clock on a Saturday
But hey, sometimes you gotta live a little
He wasn't really dressed for it
And as he walked over it occurred to him
That he wasn't probably gonna be too happy about
Having to walk three or four blocks back to his car
After he had a couple drinks
Or even really that he'd have to drive home
Kind of bugged him that he hadn't put that much thought into this
But what really got him
Was that as he was walking in
He saw a guy he kinda knew
Gave him kinda a dirty look
So what if he's wearin a tank top
He's just going to get some toothpaste
What's that guy even lookin at
The guy bumped him
Guy fuckin bumped him

Every man learns to grunt
Every man learns to cope
Every man learns to hunt
Every man needs to grunt

credits

from Spelled Correctly, track released January 22, 2014
Guitar/vocals: Ace Salisbury
Vocals: 'Magnum' Maxwell Rafferty

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TOOTILAGE image

TOOTILAGE New York

Tootilage is what happens when some 90s alt rock-obsessed guys team up with a comedian to make music. Guitarist-vocalist Ace Salisbury, bassist Donovan Dwyer, and wildman Max Rafferty formed Tootilage in 2014 in Brooklyn, NY, and the result was an explosion of sonic nostalgia with an absurdist twist. Stupidly relatable, deceptively profound, and probably hungry, Tootilage is here to rock. ... more

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