1. |
America Day
02:49
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Now here's a new holiday
We put our virtues away
On every August the twelfth
We just give up on ourselves
On a diet it's your cheat day
If you work out it's your skip day
Self improvement is banned that day
Flag-saluters and M80s
A day for America
Be free like America
Like the king of America
A day for America
Instead of non-GMO
It's MSG and queso
Instead of counting your carbs
Just dip your whopper in lard
It's the future of holidays
Ruin the progress you strive to make
Be like the rest of the USA
It's mandatory to celebrate
A day for America
Be free like America
Like the king of America
A day for America
Hooray America
Be free like America
Like the king of America
A day for America
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2. |
Evercoop
04:26
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I quarantining and I'm doing it wrong, yeah yeah
I've sworn off liquor but I still hit the bong, hey hey
I've got a mask on with my nose out the top, yeah yeah
Buy groceries online but still go in to shop, hey hey
Come on! Come on!
It's super inconvenient and I don't have the bug
Come on! Come on! Yeah yeah
Pump my gas wearing blue rubber gloves, yeah yeah
But hit the beach like it's the summer of love, hey hey
My deli closed so my meal's from a can, yeah yeah
Only Zoom with neighbors but I hug the mailman, hey hey
Come on! Come on!
It's super inconvenient and I don't have the bug
Come on! Come on!
I never got the symptoms so I don't need the drug
Come on! Come on!
It's super inconvenient and I don't have the bug
Come on! Come on! Yeah yeah
Hey where did everybody go?
Where did everybody go?
Come on! Come on!
It's super inconvenient and I don't have the bug
Come on! Come on!
I never got the symptoms so I don't need the drug
Come on! Come on!
It's super inconvenient and I don't have the bug
Come on! Come on! Yeah yeah
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3. |
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One teaspoon of yeast
two cups water, warm
drizzle olive oil on
five cups of bread flour
tablespoon of salt
sprinkle sugar on
Bloom the yeast in a bowl
with the sugar and salt
with some water in
add the rest to it all
mix until it's a ball
ten minutes or so
divide it into four
seal in cups lined with oil
slow-rise in fridge a week
Large can of tomatoes
long drizzle of oil
add some tomato paste
dried oregano leaves
sprinkle of salt
blend until it's smooth
stretch dough in a pan
grate on parmesan
add the sauce and cheese and bake
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4. |
Ode to Pipe
03:11
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There's a tiny pipe near my front door
it sticks out four inches from the floor
I wonder why it's there staring up at me
it has no apparent functionality
the tiny pipe is black and made of lead
and it's mysteriously capped right at the end
And there's a tiny pipe
in the floor of my home
I wish I were smaller
then I'd see where it goes
I stay up at night
plagued by this thought
but since I am stuck inside
that pipe is all I've got
Did the pipe once reach the upper floor?
Or was there once a faucet by the door?
I think once I saw it billowing with steam
or was that only in a literal pipe dream?
Wonder where this tiny pipe extends
if it goes straight down, or if it ever bends
And there's a tiny pipe
in the floor of my home
I wish I were smaller
then I'd see where it goes
I stay up at night
plagued by this thought
but since I am stuck inside
that pipe is all I've got
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5. |
Bathrobe Rockstar
03:03
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Wakes up like ten o'clock
finds bathrobe and puts it on
nowhere he must be
in the kitchen, grabs a cup
makes some coffee, smokes some pot
watch him quarantine
lost job, join the club
picks song, cranks it up
rockstar as he sings
Bathrobe rockstar
Sings loud into his comb
as a makeshift microphone
a broom as his guitar
Rocks out in a power pose
does a bathrobe count as clothes?
platinum superstar
FaceTime calls his bros
split screen all wearing robes
no news to impart
Bathrobe rockstar
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6. |
The Shelter Groove
04:43
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There isn't much light
unless I'm turning this crank
this place is a meme
it's incredibly dank
Back in '58
the threat of nuclear harm
made my grandpa build this place
so it could withstand a bomb
Everyone always told me
we'd never stay in this tomb
fast forward fifty-some years
and I'm down here doing the Shelter Groove
The beds are made this foam
that smells just like rotting glue
and there's hundreds of tins
of biscuits posing as food
This isn't what he had thought
when my grandpa broke ground
I'm down here dodging coughs
instead of nuclear clouds
Everyone always told me
we'd never stay in this tomb
fast forward fifty-some years
and I'm down here doing the Shelter Groove
There's only one record here
with just a singular tune
I'm playing it on repeat
it sounds like this it's called the Shelter Groove
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7. |
TimePhone of Mars
04:10
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This is a message from yourself
to you from future you ten years from now
I must be quick and get right to the point
or I think it charges more on my TimePhone invoice
This is a message from yourself
so listen close and do just as I tell
We all left the earth to colonize Mars
Now TV is terrible and it's too hard to farm
We can't even go outside and the internet blows
So I'm sending this message to ten years ago
After the virus hit us hard
We set off to start a new on Mars
Politicians said this was the perfect cure
But I suspected that this might be premature
The air on Mars is worse than we had feared
And the gravity makes all the TV shows weird
We all left the earth to colonize Mars
Now TV is terrible and it's too hard to farm
We can't even go outside and the internet blows
So I'm sending this message to ten years ago
Your call has reached the maximum length
Please hang up the phone and dial again
Thanks for using TimePhone of Mars
A service fee will also be charged
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8. |
Beardgazer
03:50
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For the past eleven, twelve years
I was told I looked weird
with facial hair
But last month I cast off my fears
and grew out a beard
it was quite rare
But in the midst of this COVID event
health experts comment
we all should shave
Turned on my razor and away the beard went
but the batteries were spent
it stopped half way
Half of my beard is gone
half of my beard is long
Half of my beard is gone
half of my beard is long
Now I'm told to shelter in place
with this mess on my face
of facial hair
Can't go outside to try and replace
the batteries in the base
of this razor
I'll admit that I don't have the balls
to accept video calls
with this big gap
I've tried tweezers, knives, and lysol
but nothing can maul
through this chin hat
Half of my beard is gone
half of my beard is long
Half of my beard is gone
half of my beard is long
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9. |
Retina
04:42
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Can't remember the last time
You felt time as a straight line
It's hard to focus when confined
To the inside when you feel fine
Escape to pretty pictures
To forests so serene
But when you think about it
It's pixels on your screen
You can shake the blues
With these lakewood views
That they make for you
On your phone
Like to know what it feels like
To meet live in real life
You're quarantined but your main gripe
Is your whole life happens inside
Escape to pretty pictures
Inside an endless green
But when you think about it
It's pixels on your screen
You can shake the blues
With these lakewood views
That they make for you
On your phone
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10. |
America Day, Pt. 2
06:16
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Now here's a new holiday
We put our virtues away
On every August the twelfth
We just give up on ourselves
On a diet it's your cheat day
If you work out it's your skip day
Self improvement is banned that day
Mobile scooters and M80s
A day for America
Be free like America
Like the king of America
A day for America
Instead of non-GMO
It's MSG and queso
Instead of counting your carbs
Just dip your whopper in lard
It's the future of holidays
Ruin the progress you strive to make
Be like the rest of the USA
It's mandatory to celebrate
A day for America
Be free like America
Like the king of America
A day for America
Hooray America
Be free like America
Like the king of America
A day for America
Hooray America
A day for America
Be free like America
A day for America
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TOOTILAGE New York
Tootilage is what happens when some 90s alt rock-obsessed guys team up with a comedian to make music. Guitarist-vocalist Ace Salisbury, bassist Donovan Dwyer, and wildman Max Rafferty formed Tootilage in 2014 in Brooklyn, NY, and the result was an explosion of sonic nostalgia with an absurdist twist. Stupidly relatable, deceptively profound, and probably hungry, Tootilage is here to rock. ... more
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